So, you’re thinking about diving into the world of swinging, huh? Well, before you start swinging from the chandeliers, let’s talk rules. I know rules sound about as fun as a root canal, but trust me, they’re important. It’s like cooking without a recipe – sure, you might end up with something edible, but you also might burn down the kitchen.
- First up, the golden rule of swinging: bring a buddy. It’s like the buddy system in kindergarten, but with more nudity. Swinging is mostly about couple swapping so sorry solo dudes, while a lucky few get to play with willing couples, most of you will be left with your pants down out in the cold. Despair, not my man, for we have prepared a learning journey just for you here. It’s a little different if you’re a mythical unicorn lady. In this case, you’re as rare as a sober person at Mardi Gras and more often than not more than welcome to be part of the team.
- Now, onto rule number two: ask before you touch. Swingers may be down to get jiggy with it, but that doesn’t mean they want you poking them like a curious toddler. So, before you go grabbing someone’s booty, ask politely. It’s called manners, folks.
- No means no. A cliche in the swingers’ world but, just because you’re at a swinger’s party doesn’t mean you have to swing with everyone. If someone ain’t your cup of tea, just say no thanks. It’s like Tinder but with less ghosting and more actual communication.
- Drugs? Yeah, leave them at home. Nobody wants to deal with a high-as-a-kite partner freaking out in the middle of a foursome. Plus, it’s kinda hard to get it on when you’re seeing dragons and unicorns everywhere.
- Respect is key in the swinging world. Treat others how you want to be treated – with kindness, consent, and maybe a little bit of sass. And for the love of all that is sexy, don’t ask someone if they’re better in bed than their spouse. That’s a one-way ticket to Awkwardville.
- Now, let’s talk about timing. Sure, sex is great, but nobody wants to be stuck in the bedroom while everyone else is mingling downstairs. It’s like being the last one at the party – awkward and kinda sad.
- And lastly, cleanliness is next to sexiness. Seriously, wash up before you get down. Nobody wants to get busy with someone who smells like a gym locker.
So there you have it, the swinging lifestyle in a nutshell. Remember these rules, and you’ll be swinging like a pro in no time. Just don’t forget to bring protection – both for your bits and your heart. Happy swinging!
